How to develop a winning mindset (even when you feel like quitting)
Author Craige Hardel
We all know it's so easy to quit. A litany of reasons exist why something can't be done, why a mission can't be accomplished and why now just isn't the best time to get started. Is that what you really want? Even if it may feel helpless and like you just can't control it.
Like a guilty pleasure. But a really bad one.
More often than not, to get what you want out of a situation or life, you've got to do something differently. It's typically something outside your comfort zone, something that sucks but just must be done no matter what. This is the cross sports stars, high-power executives, politicians, and other influential leaders across industries carry daily.
And they do it the best they can despite its many challenges. And so should you.
Like when Michael Jordan once said he didn't start counting pushups until it really started to burn. The real battle starts when you really feel like quitting. The stakes are high, you're about to do something completely different and can't go back to the old normal.
While we may not all be superstars, all successful people share this winning mentality.
Here's how you attain it for yourself
Feel the fear and do it anyway
Jeanette Coron says “Courage is not the absence of fear, it's to feel the fear and do it anyway.” Based on our life experiences we develop a tolerance for risk and how we're willing to endure to attain something. However despite fear not being a totally bad thing, we rationalize and often inflate it in our heads. Be it from trauma, limiting beliefs or otherwise, we develop rational explanations why something can't be done or had.
It takes a lot of honest digging to figure out what's actually wrong and keeping you stuck.
But the fastest to get through it all isn't by over-analyzing. It's by taking that first step and doing it anyway. One line that got my mind spinning as simple as it sounds is : damn if you do, damn if you don't.
Not to get metaphysical here, but your outcomes already exist. It becomes more real everytime you think about them and act. You just have to choose which one you prefer to bring into existence and act on it. We will always feel fear, the subtle anxiety gripes even the most experienced. However it's the reaction to it that counts and makes you unique.
So choose what you really want. Do you want the outcome or would you rather suffer without it?
Learn from the stories of those ahead of you
One of the most interesting things when we watch a captivating movie or read an interesting book, is the journey it takes us on we never knew even existed. The mental candy is just too good to turn away and we learn from it, fictional or otherwise. When we read biographies and learn the in-depth life stories of others, it has a similar effect. Stories are powerful. As the author or Wired for Story Lisa Chron points out: “Story, as it turns out, was crucial to our evolution—more so than opposable thumbs. Opposable thumbs let us hang on; story told us what to hang on to.” She also says: “Stories are about people who are uncomfortable.”
And few things toughen the mind like life experience. Yours or someone else's.
Major decisions, major challenges, extreme conditions (poverty, wealth, loss, greed, desire, lust). Name it. The concoction of emotions and experience give meaning to us being human.
The experiential lessons you learn as invaluable as well and adds much depth to our ability to make informed choices and perceive our own reality. Read about someone you want to be like, someone you hate, something you just don't understand. As you take it all in, you'll get a new perspective on your problems and realize how much easier you may have it.
Seek counsel of your future self
Sit down for a minute and think of you 10 years from now. Where will live, what car will you drive, what you will do for a living, how much money you would make? While you may think that's not a long time one thing is certain: The person you are today will be very different from who you are then. What if you can model how that person (in the future) acts, behaves and responds to life's events right now? Powerful, isn't it.? This is one of your fastest ways to make progress quickly and get out of that funk. Having a clear picture of who is it you'd like to become and what values they have can dramatically impact your behaviour.
Having the courage to hold yourself to a higher standard and acting from there will allow you go beyond what you think is possible. It's what a good coach and mentor can and will do as well. We often get lost in the day to day of our "harsh reality" and forget what we're really working towards.
Being clear on who you aspire to be and making changes when you slip up (because it will happen) will develop your confidence in your own abilities. Fake till you make it may work for some. A better version of it is: make it until your current self can't stay small any longer.
The pathway to success is often counter-intuitive. What we think we should do or may work well is often the opposite of what our intuition tells us. Taking an occasional pause and some time for some good reflection is what of those truths. Many of us work too hard, think we are always busy but don't have much to show for it. And it's just not money. Meaningful relationships, a network and a family of our own that loves us and we'll do anything for.
Relaxation isn't just good for our health...it allows us to develop and hone in on what it takes to win. Insight and personal ownership of the outcomes we want.
Most people don't learn from their mistakes, aren't really sorry or don't grow experienced with age? You need those experiences even when you're slammed, to really learn. What you need just as much is time to process those and actually intuitively make sense of them. See where you went wrong, how and why. Making time for ourselves and others allows us to not be in our heads so much and ruminate on the problems we believe are so insurmountable.
Climbing the wrong ladder will leave you further back than not climbing at all. Take some time off, ask your questions and dis-engage. Instead of keeping your head in the social media, and trendy quicksand all the time thinking you're actually working. A good way to do this is to turn your phone off an hour before bed or sleep without it next to you. Journaling and writing out your feelings, thoughts and ideas works great as well.
Less than good days or ideal situations will always come. How you bounce back and react to them is what's most important. Often people who are reaching their big goals, really doing well across all areas of their lives aren't better than you. They just have more momentum because of how much they've opened up mentally, that is how you develop your winner's mindset.
Going hard at what we want doesn't always solve the problem. If you want to adopt and keep a winning habit you must be honest with yourself, go full out despite feeling scared, but take time for yourself and recharge. You will make yourself and the world a better place.
Author Craige Hardel is a mindset & success coach who helps ambitious professionals get unstuck in their lives and businesses, unlock their hidden potential and hit their big goals. Learn more here bio link: https://craigehardel.com/productivity-cheatsheet
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